The first conversations I had about God were at Vacation
Bible School across the street from my childhood home in
Southern California. My mother, an atheist, sent us to the summer camp at the small church in our neighborhood to keep us busy during the hot mornings. I asked questions most of the children didn’t think of like how did Jesus come back to life? And why did his death clear my sin? The question that ultimately got me kicked out of VBS though was why didn’t the Bible mention dinosaurs?
I asked this and was then asked not to return to Vacation Bible School the next year.
My mother didn’t speak much about God until I started
asking questions. She would tell me many reasons why she didn’t believe in God. The one that really stuck with me was
“You can’t believe in God and the dinosaurs.”
Every time she would say this to me, I would say, “Well
mom, I know you are not right, and I know you are not wrong either.” I knew I couldn’t believe the story of the Bible and believe in dinosaurs because the Bible didn’t tell the story of the dinosaurs and from what I had been taught in school, dinosaurs ruled the Earth for millions of years. If the book of creation didn’t include this story, it was probably a weak and perhaps fake account of the beginning of life. I knew she was missing something though. I knew there was a “God” because I could sense a unified experience that was beyond the physical and to me, that was God.
In college, I enrolled in religious studies courses and tried
to learn as much as I could about other notable books of creation. These classes further confirmed the universal experience of life and that the story of God was much more similar than not. I continued to search and read and absorb as much knowledge as I could about the ways different cultures have seen creation. I became very interested in the creation stories of the Aboriginal cultures in Australia and other tribal populations. It seemed that their recollections were the most in tune with the way life had actually come to be and so I opened my heart to the Shamanistic ways of my ancestors and stopped asking so many questions.
Soon I found myself with the plants. Looking to the more
natural cultures for guidance led me to the Earth and the stories she has told through the life she has birthed from the beginning. Her story made the most sense to me and aligned me with living tools so that I could build my own relationship with God without the need for culture, pastor, church, or a building of any kind. I went to the Church of Nature and found exactly what I was looking for— what my mom was missing. It wasn’t that I couldn’t believe in God and the dinosaurs, it was that God and the dinosaurs were the same thing. Everything is the same thing, coming from one single source and ending back at the same source for regeneration. She wasn’t wrong though she wasn’t right either.
My Mother also introduced me to Astrology at an early
age. The language of the stars made more sense to her than a book written by man. She is an Aries and gave birth to two Pisces and an Aries. She would talk to me about my Piscean ways and help me recognize some of the foundational truths of the 12th house. I didn’t dig deep into Astrology though until I became a mom too. I had only been introduced to Sun sign astrology and was unaware of the Natal Chart. I definitely knew I related highly to the things she told me about Pisces, though I felt like there was more to me than just the sensitive fish.
Once I began to study my own chart and truly learn the
power of the day I was born, I was able to see myself in a whole new light. My past made more sense. My quest for God made more sense. My intense need to serve made more sense and I was feeling more self-aware than ever before. Since then, I have spent many hours watching the Zodiac express itself through humans, plants and the environment, learning the unseen language of life.
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